you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
