I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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