Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
