Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
