we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
