y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
