Will you blow on my dice?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
