The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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