I never want to see another naked old woman again.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Randomize
