MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
