Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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