umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize