I think I am morally bankrupt
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
