He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Randomize
