I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
