i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize