if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I had to cum in my sink.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
