Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
