Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
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