she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize