3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
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Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
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I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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