So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
