I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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