I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize