That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
