nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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