didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
