Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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