Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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