my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
