I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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