Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I am naked and annoyed.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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