Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I think I died a long time ago.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
