dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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