This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
