yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Found the puke drawer
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
