never play flip cup with pint glasses
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
