I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
