you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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