im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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