3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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