i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
