i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
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We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
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Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"