The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
