9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
