don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
