You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
