is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
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Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
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Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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