I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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