I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
