ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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