i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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