I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
