my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
