I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
