pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
