Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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